It is an ugly confession to make, but for reasons that I don't understand, my weight has ballooned by 30 lbs in two months. I'm been trying to deny in to myself, trying to say that is was just caused by the stress of my exams, trying to make any excuse to pretend it is not happening.
It has torn away the last remnants of self-confidence I had. I wanted to see Katyn at the cinema today, but after six hours of trying, I've given up trying to find the courage to leave the house. In fact, I haven't ventured out my door since my therapy session on Monday. I can't bear to let people see me like this, I know they will react with disguist (and who can blame them?). I feel I must keep away from everyone until I can present myself as somewhat more acceptable.
While I do totally understand the feelings about not being able to see people, you know that it can be difficult to drag yourself out of the depression which probably caused the gain when you totally isolate yourself - mainly because it makes you more depressed. If you can't handle seeing other people please still try to go outside as much as possible. Long walks listening to the radio and not doing any of the comparing yourself to others crap is always good. Also people really do not view you the way you view yourself. So however much you think they will react in disgust most people really wouldn't, because there is no reason for them to. You will always be "acceptable".
ReplyDeleteI am ganging up on you with Rosa - how you feel is understandable, but a vicious circle. Avoiding people will make you more isolated and depressed, which is never good for eating habits. You could never disgust me, I promise. And if you can't bring yourself to leave the house when me and Fi come up next week, we will hunt you down :P I still have your address from sending you a Christmas card!
ReplyDeleteI've been through exactly the same reasoning in my head, sadly my actions do not match my thoughts.
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